Fast Forward This Life

 Can we just take a deep breath and not dwell on our past now?

It's our past for a reason. It does not define who we are now or what we will be in the future. 

There's always a reason behind every little action, it's called emotion. When you're compassionate and caring, you will find ways to make life better and simpler for people around you, you become a pioneer. Scary thought, being involved in such charitable causes because you never know who you're offending by doing the right thing. 

Nowadays I get triggered by even the slightest hint of getting hurt potentially so I maintain my distance from those who might hurt me. Never have I ever not said what's on my mind to those around me. I am less filtered and more straightforward I have been told. It was barely a scratch on the surface of who I am actually. Nevertheless it was a kind revelation about who I am. Who I will be? Only I know. 

Life Plays An Uno Reverse On You

You thought life's going well?

You thought wrong!

It's plotting and planning how to make your reality trash again with regrets, traumas, loose ends, failures etc etc. It was a brave move, thinking you have it all now, because this too shall pass. I have proof. Stay sad and you will be happy randomly at unexpected moments and incidences. Stay happy and you will figure out new ways to be sad. It's anyway hard to hide your emotions unless you have mastered that poker face. 

My Morning Begins at Afternoon

As usual, my mornings are starting in the noon. 

Happens when you're working late the previous night. 

Do I need to? No! But do I? Hell yes.

Need someone to vent to, not my family or friends and not a stranger. I know I have God in my life, and also the Divine Mother, the entire universe watching over me so I have no reason to feel alone. 

I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I've been trying hard, to hide what I'm feeling inside. I wanted to be a baddie but I'm turning out to be more like the opposite. I cannot confess to a lot of things as long as I'm alive, I'll have to keep those buried till my last breath. It's a little overwhelming for me to keep handling my life all on my own as I'm not used to this, I always had someone beside me, cheering me on as I conquered new frontiers but not anymore. However, this has made all the difference. The old me wouldn't have been able to deal with handling a new job, in a new place and without any of my old friends. Now I can.

I am now keeping a comfortable distance from everything and everyone I feel I might get attached to or who or what might get attached to me. I just learnt that my mother has been imagining things and throwing away stuff that I and my father own and saying in her defence that we actually told her to. As if. 

I feel like ripping out my hair, probably gouge out my eyes, I feel so much anger inside. Talking to her was a mistake and now I'm not telling her or father anything about anything. They're too involved in my life and I need to pull them out of my hair a bit.