Calm After the Storm

Render me speechless. Can someone tell me a sweet story about a girl about to die, taking her last breath, making her last wish? A little heads up though, her last wish is the one that comes true.

Come hither, close enough so she can see you. Give her a reason to believe, give her a reason to feel. Save her from the thunder she thinks is real. 

Rarely do you find her owing up to her disbelief, is it a life she's prepared to lead?

Head over to her, give her your shoulder when she weeps. Damp with sweat, her cheeks are flushed red. Time-bound is her journey can you give her what she needs?

It's not the solid truth, it's the petty lies that she believes. Learning to give more regardless is her idea of closure. Ban her pleasures and trap her in a butcher shop, she is ready to be vicious. Fan her flames with the oxygen of heed, it's a miracle to just let her breathe. 

Existence is what she longs for in this world of endless greed.  

xxx

Talented Much?

List out all the things that make you happy

Is it the blue sky?

Is it the crooked smile?

Is it the forbidden fruit?

Is the life you live?

Is it the person you met?

Is it the city you left?

Or are they the lights you missed?

Never enough is it. Tell me how it is, and maybe I'll share my story with you. Everything comes at a price but what price are you willing to pay for it? 

Would you kill, would you bleed, would you hum a tune for her?

Would you die, would you lie, would you buy something for her?

Would you cry, would you fly, would you love her for her?

Dreamers never get it easy and it's the price that they pay. I'm an artist and it's a process that you embrace. All the silver linings aren't always made of lace. 

Can someone tell me how to win at life and how to race?

Rats are the one's best at it. But what they don't teach you at school is can someone buy happiness? Perspective was my first choice, I thought it would change everything I felt about it. But frankly, it's not that easy. It takes a certain gift to be able to harness the light inside you. Fear is what holds you back and it's supposed to be the drive that gets you to the finish line.

Be nice, be generous, spread love, it's literally all that we can gift the world. 

Blush, smile, be honest, most of all with yourself. 

xxx

Life of an Addict

 Sometimes, the reality you are looking for is within you. If not life, if not love, it's drugs, you have to go out to look for it hoping you'll find it, because it doesn't always come easily to you. Meet it halfway maybe you'll connect together in ways you couldn't even imagine. Now I never believed in love or in my lovers but I made it all worth it for me. Does that make me selfish? maybe, but that's just the way life is, not everyone can be a Mother Teresa can they? Opening your heart up to people in your life takes effort, patience, persistence, and sweetness.

Can people be loved and love at the same time? or can you just do one of these things at a time? 

It's tough to love and even tougher to be loved. To receive you have to be heartless, which is a paradoxical concept. What I believe in is eternity and forever. Hard to get, harder to revive. But the effort is worth the fruit. Time has never been an obstacle but it has always been a factor, the number of variables involved in the journey of life and lies is immense and sometimes you drown and get trapped in your own web but the answer is to let yourself fall. Fall down, get up, move and groove. 

Life is all about seizing opportunities whenever they come your way, you never miss the bus there's always going to be another one to catch. It is human nature to feel disheartened whenever you hit the blues. The challenge is to get past and jump over, slide under or avoid the obstacle completely it is the calculative mind that gets the result. The early bird gets the worm but the late riser gets more sleep. What is more important for you at the moment is for you to decide. 

xxx

Warning Bells

Let's just say I've never been good with first impressions. What would I do if it weren't for google? How to make a boy fall in love with you, fast. Might actually just be the only thing I searched for if you happened to go through my browsing history, one day before I went for any date. Thankfully I've never been stood up, yet. Dating is definitely hard especially at this ripe age of 22 when hormones are wreaking havoc in your system and there seems to be no way out. Nut one out I believe how guys do it. Girls? Every single one has their own way. Me? I create trouble. 

Only for myself though, when I'm bored. Helps me cope with all the bigger stresses life poses. I take them as challenges to my sanity because I swear I would go crazy if it were not for these, I'd forgotten how to feel. And now I can't stop feeling. 

xxx

A Chapter in My Life

It was that one night, that changed my life forever.
And I knew nothing would ever be the same again.
Words wouldn't do it justice, neither would my memory, but just for the sake of documenting it somewhere, here goes the tale.
It was a regular night, I was out at my boyfriend's place indulging in smoking, not just cigarettes, but also the special grass that made Bob Marley famous. Weed. Ganja, or simply put, Maal.
Something was going to happen tonight, of which I wasn't a part, yet. But I wanted to be.
Bubbling beside me with literal happiness was  X. (Bc that's what he is to me now, my ex) I asked him what the deal was, he'd just gotten off a phone call. E, he said. What? I didn't get him the first time. So, "Ecstasy." He repeated himself for me. Oh! The most popular club drug? What about it? "We're popping tonight," he said. It was an entirely different world, the one with drugs that must not be named.
"How much does one cost?" I was curious, naturally. "750 rupees" he retorted. I didn't think twice before saying that I wanted in too. After much trouble of rearranging the doses so I would fit in, I became a part of the plan, money was never a problem. We would pop with a few of our friends who stayed in the adjoining tower. A new experience, I told myself. I was intrigued as to what would happen as the night progressed.
We met our friends from tower 3 at around 11 in the night. The air itself was buzzing with anticipation, by 11:30pm the boys and I had the pill down our throats and that's where the 12-hour journey that would fundamentally change me, began.

One hour later.
Boom, boom, boom, the music ran through my eardrums, reminding me to get up on my feet, if only I could feel them. The room was blasting with psytrance and all I knew was that my vision had become 1000% more enhanced and I could see everything in absolute slow motion, per se. 

I hadn't eaten anything the entire day and I knew I needed fuel but it seemed like my body was a separate entity and all it wanted was to writhe in this newfound happiness. I'd never felt so happy in a long time, I kept sucking on my lips the drive was so strong. I'd never feel like that again ever. I knew. I looked around and took in the details, of the people who were present, my feelings, emotions, the music, the vibe, and everything else. It was a night to remember. Which for the life of me I cannot recall entirely.

Greek Gods

 Summer, I fell for you 

autumn came too fast

I knew that our love

surely wouldn't last 

never said too much 

didn't even touch

but you knew I had 

half of you in hand 

talk over the phone 

hours on end you know 

slowly turned to stone 

you were insecure 

own me like I'm yours

show what you stand for 

didn't know better 

you are who I chose

always had to prove 

I was in love too 

trust just wasn't us 

knew I knew too much 

you didn't want to lose 

to someone like you 

told me not to speak 

keep my eyes covered 

said people will judge

it's not a problem

Calling me at 3

asking if I'm free

yes for you baby 

I could lose some sleep

Saw some pics online 

with some friends of mine 

He said he was so shocked 

But I said I didn't cheat and 

Now that it's come to this 

it's either me or them 

He said he'd hurt himself 

If I didn't come through for him

should've listened to my friends

they told me he's crazy 

Just like he said they would

Been a year since we met though

Now all I did was cry 

he said no telling lies

He knew I talked to guys 

There's no love in his eyes

Yes I spoke to boys 

I liked being free 

I was just 16

Yes I made new friends 

We spoke a little less  

I was done with you

what you said was true 

I wanted to live 

Like you said I would

And one day, I just left.

xxx

The Other Girl

I spent a minute with you, and I knew where it was going to go. Heartbreak is my middle name and I never really gave myself time to get over you. It was over and you were gone, just like that. We spent hours on the phone, conversations I don't recall. But so vivid in my memory is the time when you first asked me to send you a picture of myself.

I was really shy, I hadn't been on the internet much then, I barely knew what porn was, and masturbating was out of the question.

I spent the entire day debating on what exactly to send. I sent a sweet photograph of me smiling, looking into the camera and wondered what you would say. After all, we hadn't seen each other in almost a year.
But soon enough, my face wasn't the only thing you wanted to see anymore. It started out with just a simple demand for including the rest of my body along with the pictures that I sent you. But I guess it's true as they say, an empty mind is a devil's workshop because now you wanted to know what lay underneath those layers of clothes and even that wasn't enough.
A few months went by without you pestering me. But then one fine day, there you were again asking me for intimate photos. I obliged once, maybe twice. Not too much, not too little, maybe just enough to keep you from asking more and more and more of me till I have nothing left to give anymore. You weren't so happy with what you were getting, so you gave me an ultimatum, its either all or nothing. I finally relented and gave you exactly what you had asked for...
"Only for me!" You said. I became someone else. 
But no longer was I someone who you loved, for what I had become now was, a "whore".
xxx

Will you be my Quarantine?

I didn't know what I was in for when I first met you. You seemed like a summer fling to wish upon and then say goodbye, my dear quarantine.

Now that I'm stuck with you, let's see what I can do.

Play my piano, tune my guitar, paint on canvases, listen to records, workout, meditate, write poems, read them too. UHH read a book, DIYs, switch to a board and lo! Its puzzle time! 

Exhaust my list, get bored, open the fridge, get disappointed when food fails to materialize.

It's tough keeping my spirits high when all I can hear about is people dying. But you have to put on a brave face, wear your pajamas and cry inside. This is your chance to save the world, relish these few months and be a hero for life. 

I've never enjoyed a game of chess more than I did this lockdown with dad and a game of monopoly or some scrabble with mom.
Be a brand new you every day. Live like you haven't lived before, upload photos like the internet's broke, do whatever you wished to do like you don't do anymore. You may never live through a pandemic ever again. Call your family, friends, relatives and express your concern and love for them. Reminiscence the good ol' days and relive some moments, open old photographs, have a banana. It doesn't make sense but neither does this China made disease, with no expiry or vaccine. Might just turn out to be this whole conspiracy to bring down the economy and make some cash easily.
But what can you do? Think positive and...

Re-discover yourself as you spend time alone, follow your hobbies, interests, who knows you might turn out to be the next Ambani. Also, it looks like there'll be a lockdown extension even till my Shaadi.

My funny Quarantine, you are making me fall in love with myself all over again, you give me crazy ideas and motivation to be stronger every hour, minute and second of the day. Lots of Love from my multifaceted self. A godly freak, a twerking geek.
Don't forget to like share, comment or subscribe, to my quirky perspective on life.

xxx

My Handyman

There comes a time in everyone's life where they just want to be loved by someone, other than their parents, friends, and family. That special someone might just be out there waiting for you too, but you never do find out till you marry them, and make them your personal plumber because well, who better to fix the light and kill some bugs other than your one true love right?
My Handyman, he's got brains at par to Einstein's, a perfect dad bod, a smile that can light up your entire day and an attitude that's nobody's business.
He isn't mine anymore.
With a relationship, there comes a ton of other paraphernalia that clutters your life and makes it impossible to live without thinking of your significant other about ten times a day. What's love without a little distraction. But if you want to focus one hundred percent on yourself then you have to become as Emma Watson says, "self-partnered". Which means there's no one to help you clean up your mess other than yourself. Love can't clean your vomit after an entire night of alcohol-fueled partying. And if they do never leave them.
My Handyman takes me out for a cup of coffee almost daily, my handyman makes me breakfast when there's none, my handyman pulls my leg every minute of the day almost, my handyman makes me feel special even for no good reason, and last but not the least, my handyman kills spiders. THANK THE LORD!
There's a serious problem now if that handyman is none other than your best friend.
Beware if your friendship seems oh so perfect, because one of you, is already in love.
xxx

Is It the Clumsy Me

I looked at my hand... & thought about it for a while then realized what felt amiss about it, my phone!

Omg, where was it, what. How could I have done something so stupid? Lost my phone!! For the second time around! My mind immediately started making the worst calculations possible. I bought that stupid phone for 30k, my 5th mobile phone which didn't see the light of the day. How tragic. I was switching to new phones like clothes.
Still loyal to the number that holds the maximum significance in my life(6). I moved on to thinking about what my new phone would be shamelessly! Because if there was one thing I didn't pay any heed to and still paid all of it was money. As my father says(aka all fathers of India relate),"Paise kya ped pe ugate hain?" Or the  one, rather sarcastic,"Hum Tata, Birla nahi haaiiiin." OR "Baap ko ATM samajh ke rakha hai."  But shame rarely knocked at my door. I was as shameless as they came and replied crassly about a phone being directly proportional to second hand izzat in society and at once proposing the second most expensive phone in the market to only bargain down to the third or fourth. Lol. Hence I own now a OnePlus which I very conveniently forgot in my cab ki seat.
Absent mindedly I ran my hand over my pockets and felt a bump.
And then it dawned on me when the bump felt rectangular in shape.
Besharam hu mai thodi.
Phone pocket mei tha.
Daily heart attack ka source. Mera priye phone.
xxx 

Tendencies of My Wretched Heart

It's the organ that starts pumping 10x times the normal amount of blood through my body the moment someone cute and attractive talks or even waves at me. You guessed it right, it's my silly heart.
Also, other organs that stop functioning around the same time, in such situations are my mouth, which forgets to speak, my stomach which turns upside down and my brain which can't comprehend, like really? Is this really happening? To me? And much, later on, the fantasies catch up. Now that's a bad patch because hallucinations bring nothing but dismay.
I have so much love to give I believe it to be all-encompassing to every being in this universe. Makes me ask myself what is love? And how do I love? Or how do I give love?
With so many humans and creatures and beings on my love list, I should at least know what to expect out of the love I give them in the least. But when the mind wants nothing but a smile on their faces and body desires nothing but their mere presence itself, I ask myself again, is this what love is?
Back then they used to keep their lives on the line for their beloved friends. 
Now the heads of those very friends are served on a platter if they're not wearing or appreciative of that latest Apple product in the market. Serves them right for not having an iPhone right?
Gareeb mkl mc bc.
xxx